Well it is gloomy here in CA! We are running out of options. We really only have one left. I am struggling with myself right now. Did I do something wrong or could I have done anything different. I do not think God brought me on this journey for my heart to hurt like this. I am faithful and in prayer for God's will. I just don't feel like God would bring me here and let me hold him, bond with him, and love on him to snatch it out from under me. I can not express my hurt and my mom is sad because she can't fix it or take the pain away. I feel like I have lost a child. But I continue to pray for peace and clarity. Please continue o pray for my family we are all trying to find peace. And I have realized things over the past couple of days that I would have never though about. Like a more closed adoption. I wanted them to be able to know as much as they wanted. My thick skin has set in and I am trying to be strong for mom and for my sanity.
Please pray that if this is MY Aiden it will work out and if not PLEASE pray for PEACE. This really sucks right now!
Love you all
Erica
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Little Bit of Faith
Well Friday we flew out here to CA to meet Aiden. He was precious. He scrunched up his little face and I patted him on bottom and he calmed right down. He was so tiny. But so much love in one little body.
The next day I got to go see him and the nurse said I get to hold him!!!!!!!! It was so funny once I help him his O2 sats, body temp, and respirations all were steady. We went back that night and held him some more. He was on room air. The nurses said our earlier visit must have been good because he held steady all day! Go Baby Boy!
Today he was doing great! He had no tubes and no stickers on his face. Precious. He opened his eyes and keep them open for about 45 minutes. He would smile and touch my face. Oh how I love that little boy. Then this afternoon we hit a snag. They called and said that the birthfamily decided to keep him. I was crushed. I cried and cried but I know God has bigger plans. I talked to the Lawyer and I feel a little better. It does suck but I am not giving up. I fought to get my profile seen for him and I am fighting for this baby again! Keep praying for this I feel like tomorrow is a better day.
Love you!
Erica
The next day I got to go see him and the nurse said I get to hold him!!!!!!!! It was so funny once I help him his O2 sats, body temp, and respirations all were steady. We went back that night and held him some more. He was on room air. The nurses said our earlier visit must have been good because he held steady all day! Go Baby Boy!
Today he was doing great! He had no tubes and no stickers on his face. Precious. He opened his eyes and keep them open for about 45 minutes. He would smile and touch my face. Oh how I love that little boy. Then this afternoon we hit a snag. They called and said that the birthfamily decided to keep him. I was crushed. I cried and cried but I know God has bigger plans. I talked to the Lawyer and I feel a little better. It does suck but I am not giving up. I fought to get my profile seen for him and I am fighting for this baby again! Keep praying for this I feel like tomorrow is a better day.
Love you!
Erica
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
